how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
