When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
