I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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