He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
