She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
