you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
