considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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