All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
