you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
