This is not my ceiling
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
