she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
