I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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