man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
