I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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