i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
