And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
