well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I just shit out all my problems.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
