i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
