so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
