we're making bets on your personal life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
