dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
