addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
