Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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