my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
