I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
