He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
