I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
