I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
