How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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