I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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