I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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