Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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