highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The Olympian is in my bed
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