this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
