Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
