If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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