We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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