this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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