Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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