Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
