i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
