So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I will pee on everything he values.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
