This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
