hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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