Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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