so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
