I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
