nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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