You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
