More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
id be glad to
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
