Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
