On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have post one night stand depression
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