He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
