omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
