My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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