I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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