Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
