So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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