if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
