When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
