I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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