RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
