it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
