i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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