dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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