Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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