So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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