By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize