i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
