shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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