Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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