I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
