i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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