Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
