I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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