we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize