im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
