We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
