i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
