i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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