Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
