Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
