I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
