i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
