booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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